Shout out to Emma Watson, for being classy, brilliant, and totally well-spoken. You do you, girl.
Allow me to begin by pointing out that the world has gone completely mad, and I’m not sure that anyone can stop it.
A Facebook friend of mine posted an article about how teachers in a certain state are being instructed to stop identifying their students by gender. I read it and, unimpressed, followed a sidebar link to a related article. I spiraled down the rabbit hole awhile before stumbling upon an article in which a teenaged girl stood up to her principal regarding matters of female dress (sidenote: I also saw a few articles on whywe should use the word “woman” and eradicate the word “female). The principal is reported as using phrases like “modest is hottest” and “boys will be boys.” The author pointed out the inherent contradiction in the former, pointing out that “purity culture” shames women into hiding their bodies, while teaching them that men are helpless predators (how’s that for a contradiction of terms?). I’d cite the article specifically, but I don’t need to. This kind of so-called “journalism” has so permeated our culture that I can barely go on social media without being assaulted by it.
I barely even know where to begin my response. Let’s ignore the bit where the principal allegedly excuses men from being responsible for their own sexuality. That conversation has been engaged ad nauseum, and I don’t feel the need to contribute to it. Instead, let’s explore that jab at “purity culture.”
Allow me to offend everyone equally, beginning with the proponents of abstinence. I agree with the author’s statement that modest is hottest contradicts itself. The adjective hot, in this context, has inherent sexual connotations. Modest, at its most basic, means not drawing attention to oneself–in this case, by not dressing scantily or ostentatiously. Maybe it’s meant to be ironic. I still never liked it.
I think I’m qualified to have that opinion: I went to Christian school for grades five through nine, and again for all four years of college. Why is this pertinent? Because phrases like that are thrown around a lot at Christian schools. (I’m actually vaguely impressed that a public school principal had the gall to.) That’s because, predictably, this so-called “purity culture” is born from Christianity. I am a Christian, and I waited until I got married to have sex; you can guess, then, that I am a proponent of abstinence–which is where I begin to offend the other half of the audience.
The problem that we encounter, then, is legalism. How do we make sure that everyone is respectful of each other’s sexuality, especially in educational settings? My Christian elementary school had a pretty strict dress code: polo shirts, Docker style dress pants, and athletic-wear for gym class that could be bought through the school. Certain colors were preferred; I once got a written warning for wearing a purple shirt.
Now. Did I, as a ten- to fourteen-year-old, occasionally resent these restrictions? Absolutely. Have I been psychologically or emotionally damaged by this experience? Not even slightly. I’m married now, and, while I may not always like my body, I’m not ashamed of it. I think there’s something to be said for dressing appropriately. Context is very important. When attending an interview, men and women alike are expected to dress professionally. I fail to see why institutions of learning should be any different. We should be allowed to express ourselves in how we dress, yes; but that doesn’t mean that we should be dressing provocatively or in a way that distracts from the goal of our environment.
That is where this “purity culture” falls short: forgetting about context. We’ve created a place in which young women cannot talk about sex. Sex is bad, dirty, gross, exploitative, and something that only men want. We forget to teach young women that they were created as sexual beings, and that sex is meant to be a gift. Even now, I’m uncomfortable talking about sex with other married women (Purps and my mother are exceptions). Girls and questions about their bodies and nowhere to go–which often leads, by my observation, to promiscuity. I’m told that boys and girls alike turn to masturbation at this juncture.
And let’s not forget about the young men. The claim that purity culture falls solely on women, excusing men as helpless, hormone-driven rapists, is totally ludicrous. Often, young men are told don’t want, don’t look, don’t touch, resulting in a self-image every bit as warped as the one that young women come up with. Young men feel as dirty and depraved as young women, so don’t give me that feminist victim-complex nonsense.
I do think that we’re beginning to turn a corner, though. Real Sex by Lauren F. Winner talks about healthy Christian sexuality. The Marriage Bed is a sex website for engaged and married Christians; it even features a section on “sex-positive wives.” We’re turning away from being a culture that fears sex, and becoming one that sees sex as good and valuable in its proper context–and not just procreative sex; recreational sex, too. We’re finally becoming empowered in our sexuality, and that’s healthy (in moderation).
Meanwhile, the broader culture is running the other direction, to the degree that we have lost sight of the importance of sexual purity. We say that sex is meant to bond two people who love each other, but doesn’t casual sex create more strangers than lovers? Modesty and purity are about more than protecting one another; they’re about honoring one another. Our society could do with a bit more honor.
Confessions of a Twirl 